Nostalgic

This will be my last post in a while so it will be the last essay you have to read, should you choose to! It could be tl;dr so apologies in advance.

I've demonstrated traits normally attributable to women, in the last few months - indecision, fear, confusion. One minute poker is the greatest thing since sliced bread, the next, my exams are the most important thing in my life, or my girlfriend, or my friends, or going home. I was and am never able to strike that balance. My interests also differ weekly.

The thought processes have always been in the back of my mind but after talking aloud and discussing it, a decision has been found, brought forward from the depths of my brain somewhere. Its perhaps obvious, perhaps imminent or perhaps downright stupid. Either way, poker has just been knocked down a fair few rungs on the ladder.

My mindset isn't where it once was. I'm in a downswing, which has contributed to my lack of desire to play and most worryingly, my lack of desire to improve. That should be the other way round but when I have no desire to analyse hands nor boot up a table, one has to question their overall commitment.
I'm too engrossed in the enjoyment of being in a relationship, being at home with friends and family, having the capacity to do more things through financial security, organising birthday's, focusing on my career and degree. All of these things have slowly worked themselves up the priority list, sub-consciously and I can only assume that is due to my arrogance and complacency. I have achieved a lot in poker I feel and indeed, will continue to do so.

I deposited £300 on November 28th 2009. From that £300 I have now totalled withdrawals of £4289. That represents a huge sum of money for someone in my position - a full-time student. That also demonstrates a candid ability to beat the game. If I do say so myself.

However, all is not over and all is not lost.

In some respects I feel as if a new challenge may invigorate me and offer me a new sense of purpose. However, fundamentally, due to the environment I find myself in, putting in 6/7/8 hour sessions every night isn't feasible. Nor do I want to do that, I'd sooner be just chilling with family or being out with friends. The euros also seem to be in decline so that primarily led to my decision to withdraw everything from those, as opposed to anywhere else. I'll be in Greece for the month of August, bar a few days, I'll be in London next week etc etc, the list is endless. Poker requires commitment, opponents improve daily so I'm just falling further behind and effectively only increasing variance/downswings, which initially were my reason for not playing. I beat the game but I used that as an excuse not to improve at the same rate. Enough is enough.

I do love playing the game though and I will continue to do so. I have left about $1100 on Stars and will look at grinding the 90mans/45mans. These are something I can do with Jon also, which will probably entice me to improve alongside him and also instil the competitiveness back into our friendship, which will only spur us both on, I'm sure. I'll also continue to play the MTTs on Stars but be very selective and use a ratio. I'll give all of that some thought though and perhaps post at the end of the week.

I hope I don't live to regret the decision but I feel its a sensible one to reach following a very rewarding experience.

Now for the next stage of my "career"...