Here's to July!

Well after my last rant I spoke to a couple of people, rationalised my thoughts and perhaps came to a calmer conclusion. I was certainly tilted at the time and took a very narrow view.

That said, much of my logic remains intact, the only real change is my personal motivation etc. I'm currently on a $1300 downswing and its certainly not something I'm neither used to nor experienced before. Although attempting to segregate the roll from my own personal finances, I have always had that figure in the back of my mind for the purposes of holiday(s) etc. With this in mind, I'm not prepared to let it deplete any further without taking evasive action. I also want to remain committed to the game however and stay on track for my annual target and longer term targets.

Essentially the reasoning I mentioned before is still ever-present. I don't take immense satisfaction from winning a tournament and outlasting 'x' amount or players. I don't relate it to Lampard scoring a goal for England on the international stage. Oh wait... I am happy to win a tournament due to the cash injection it provides. I don't view it or treat it as a hobby and in all honesty I think that's a more sensible approach. So, in June 2011 I will be graduating and effectively have to stop playing poker. My aim has always been to accumulate a nice little nest egg so at that point I can invest it or go on a sick holiday. Depends how mature and sensible I feel at the time.

I am now moving out of this flat on Saturday, not tomorrow, so intend to play every single night with my new roll of $4000. That represents a $1900 withdrawal, which will see me through over the summer and give me a decent amount of disposable income to enjoy without having the pressure to work. I'm in Greece between the 05th and 24th August but home until that point so there is zero point in me attempting to get a job for like 4 weeks. It would only be part-time so the most I could earn in Shropshire would be about £500 and that's assuming I have the job from day 1, which I clearly don't! So, if we said I could earn £300 in that four week period - it aint worth getting out of bed for. I can earn that through poker, downswing or not, I'll manage it. Hell, I have a PS3 and couple of games worth £180, I'll sell that and save myself working! I also don't have to be back at uni until practically October so it gives me July and September to grind, and grind I shall.

The level of volume I'm able to put in is entirely dependent on my parent's attitude and reaction towards it. They may not like it night-after-night and I do want to be out with friends a lot, just chilling etc. I can certainly get in a good 3 sessions a week though and that's basically what I've been doing for 8 months. But the main change from my point of view now is that I want and am determined to play out of this downswing. I can have that $8/9k back again, I just have to work for it. I became a bit arrogant and complacent with my game so hopefully some grinding and sweat sessions at Jon's can help me pick up the pace a bit, as well as spending pain-staking hours on 2p2 - something else I haven't done in a while.

So anyway, to cut an awfully long story short - I'm going to try and play a hell of a lot this week, in between packing etc and then I'll pick it up again sporadically next week. I'll just have to be a bit careful with the bankroll again and play sensibly. Hopefully normal service is resumed soon though....

GL and see you at the tables later!

Reality Check/Be Sensible

Due to the $1200+ downswing I find myself on, the roll has depleted to $6000.

That is currently the bottom line and no matter what way you look at it, I'm losing money consistently. I've put in a couple of decent sessions since my last post, analysed my play, thought about my game and where it sits in my future and its basically just becoming a burden now.

I did well in exams having got results on Monday so I have now been looking at planning my immediate future - the summer. Whilst doing so I obviously take into account the money I have "invested" in poker. Having gone from one extreme to the other with my thought processes I can only conclude that I wish I had jumped off the wave of euphoria some months ago, thought about it logically and made consistent withdrawals to help reduce the impact (mentally if nothing else) of variance. Withdrawing $100 for every $500 I win or something. At the end of the day, whether I were to quit tomorrow or in 5 years the end product and goal is the same - I want to earn money. I'm not investing thousands of pounds into a hobby nor segregating the money in its entirety. I was foolish in that sense and was too fixated on watching the roll grow, as opposed to thinking and acting my age. Beggars can't be choosers after all.

I don't intend to quit but I do intend to make the most of the hours, blood and sweat I have put in over the past few months. I also know at some point downswings have to end, whether that be tomorrow or on my last night of playing this summer prior to returning to university. It will end. However, I intend to reduce the roll to a certain degree and roll myself for something like $15s - allowing my AVG buy-in to remain close to the $11 as well as throwing the $22s on the euros in there.

At the end of the day I don't actually need that amount of money on there and this is where the virtual roll comes into play. I'm planning my girlfriend a pretty massive bash for her 21st, intend to spend the best part of a month in Greece in August and will then be house-hunting again come September so be forced to stump up deposits. At the same time I want to enjoy summer and use the time to see friends and chill out mainly and at some point get some more work experience under my belt. I certainly won't be working full-time and any part-time job is a mere fantasy right now. That suits me - the last two summers have been work-orientated and I am now fortunate enough to not have to worry about money in the same way as I may have done in the past.

So essentially I have gone full circle. Rather than poker take a front seat over the summer, its being pushed down the pecking order somewhat. Having a $4000 roll or something like that is perfectly sufficient for the games I play and I truly believe I can rebuild from there and be at the same level again come the end of the year. Right now, I'm 21 in 3 weeks, money will become an issue later down the line, life will become an issue down the line. All that matters now is my overall happiness and I sure as hell aint happy punting $300 down the drain night after night knowing that could be spent on family, friends, girlfriend, me, whatever.

So, bring on Tuesday, get me home, let me see my mates, let me enjoy life.

Life downwsings > poker downswings.

Waste of time. Again.

I may as well write this now, as I find myself staring down the barrel and having 1 measly table left at this fine hour.

Again, a nice little portrayal of how the night has gone is this - 30mins ago I had 5 tables left and was approaching the bubble in all. 10mins ago I had 3 tables left and was in the final 35 of all of them. After losing AA to AK and A7 to A3 for massive stacks and ultimately my tournament life, I'm now contemplating murder.

The rest of the night was a fucking waste of time as well, the examples above were as interesting as it got, basically cos I was losing flips ITM as opposed to level fucking 4.

I appreciate variance and I'm not even scraping the edges in reality. I also appreciate how well I have ran up until this point. But seriously, every time I sit down to put in a session at the moment I just lose money. I can't even be arsed to do the exact maths now but last time out I was on a downswing totalling over $600. I was in for $360 tonight and at the time of writing have 3 cashes from 30 tournaments, amounting to $65. Brilliant. Still, at least I'm cashing now. Wahey!
The roll will have depleted to the $6k mark after my withdrawal the other week also. Fortunately that's the only thing keeping me going (obviously). The timing is a real kick in the balls, coupled with how much time and energy I'm devoting to it per se. But fortunately I can just about sustain it financially, although this can't continue for too much longer. Dropping the $22s from my schedule will be a pain also, as there are far less $11s around, on the euros at least...

Shall have a serious think about it all over the next week. Right now I'm obviously massively tilted and down about a lot of other stuff anyway.

I just hope the exam results are positive tomorrow, that's a start and I can at least put that to one side.

Anyway, barring a miracle in this last tournament (28 left) its another cracking losing night, bringing a torrid week to an end! To be fair even if I ship this I don't break-even for the fortnight ($800 to 1st).

Agh poker..... C'est la vie.



EDIT:

I actually came 7th in that tournament but I'm more tilted than I was before. Having ground my way up to 2nd in chips without showdown I was feeling fairly good. The chip leader, an awful player (aren't they always) then went on life tilt having made a horrific call and losing part of his stack, giving me the chip lead. A shorty shoves the very next hand (11bbs), he then whacks in his 30+ bb stack and I happily call with AK on the BTN, having them both covered, just. The chip leader routinely rivers his J, enabling his QJ to take it over my AK and the shorty's AT. Fucking standard.

4 hands later and some moron limps in the CO, despite having <15bbs, with 22, I shove AJ for like 4bbs, hit my A on the flop only for him to river a deuce. Fucking standard.

I got $180 and a $108 tourney ticket for my trouble but whatever, may as well have busted it earlier as far as I'm concerned. Tomorrow best be good.

Here we go!

I thought I'd quickly update this as I'm about to start the biggest session I've ever had. This could be great or awful!
As it stands I'm basically in every decent tournament that I'm rolled for between now and 11pm, with the exception of finishing slightly earlier on Stars due to the field sizes. I may change that though as I didn't get home until 5am last night and slept until 1pm so I imagine I'll still be going strong come midnight.

I've got my exam results tomorrow and I'm shitting it so I think a friend might come round for the sweat and keep me company, saving me from going stark raving mad at losing lots of money and the prospect of getting exam results tomorrow!!

On another note, I had a wicked night last night. Spent 3.5hours sailing up and down the Thames on this party boat. A unique experience with probably only 100 people, 1 bar, 1 dancefloor and 2 epic DJs. It was insane. Everybody was great fun, a great atmosphere. Never experienced anything like it and can't wait to do so again. With the ticket came free entry to Pacha also and OMG, immense. Best club by a country mile and its not even for the normal reasons. Everything about it was insane, although expensive!
The women in there and on the boat....wow.

The night was topped off when we left the club however and the experience really epitomises London for me. There we are at this sandwich bar next to the club waiting for the bus when a tramp in a top hat comes up to us and says "alright boys, I'm gonna do something slightly different to a normal beggar..."

He whacks out this deck of cards and whilst switching from a cockney, welsh, irish, scottish, brum, manc, northern accent he proceeds to do these INSANE card tricks. The pinnacle of which was me pulling out the 5 of clubs from my suit jacket pocket having seen the deck shuffled 3 times and then shuffling it myself....

In return I gave him like 7 quid which I thought was pretty baller and I'm not sure the crowd we had round us by this point could believe it either... He was legitimately a tramp as well, I only wish I had my wits about him, took his details and signed him to something...he'd go down a treat in he Butlins of the world!

Anyway, awesome fun and I hope I can now top it off with a bink. ONE TIME!

^$&£$*"&!&"$&"

Things are going from bad to worse. And its increasing in frustration.

Previously I was recouping some 10% of losses and decreasing the tilt factor by making 3/4 cashes each session, which may even be coupled with a deep run towards the final table. Now, however, I just fail to cash per se.

I spoke to Jon about it last night, who has experienced it for months effectively and took his advice of playing no more than 8 tables at any one time. This was a correct decision I felt and something I might adhere to in the future. It allowed me to analyse each decision effectively but I just could not win the flips for the life of me.

This example will sum it up perfectly: 6pm, first tournament loads up. 3rd hand in I am dealt KK. I get it in against QQ and sure enough a lady appears on the turn.

That's just the story of the last fortnight and I cannot seem to do anything about it!

Still, it has to turn around and I am determined for it to. I'm just starting a daytime session now, as obviously I'll be cheering England on later this evening so won't be playing. I'll do the same tomorrow I think, as a mate has come up short on Royal Ascot tickets (bastard) but have plans tomorrow evening. Then its the inevitable Sunday grind. How I would love the swong to turn around then..............

Swongs

All though relatively minor and insignificant compared with some grinders' downswings, I'm definitely experiencing one of my own!

Last night made it 71 tournaments played with a resounding loss of over $400, with the average buy-in at $10 approximately. I'm not on massive tilt about it and the good thing is I'm still looking forward to getting back to the tables in an effort to rectify it. It's extremely frustrating however, as this level of volume won't be able to be kept up for too long if all I do is lose! There will come a point where I'm going to have to let poker take a back seat/part-time role and get on with other things, despite wanting to play through it!

I'm caught in two minds as to whether to limit the size of the session and try and keep to 6 tables at any one time, working on my game and thinking about each decision or whether to just hammer out the volume. The former might work to control that aura of frustration and allow me to make sensible decisions. However, when I'm hammering out the volume you don't notice how many 70/30s you're losing, just see tables disappearing rapidly without definitive knowledge of how you go bust! Obviously you know you've probably just lost one of those standard flips but you don't see that brutality of it lol.

I'm leaning towards just hammering out the volume purely because I still think the vast majority of my decision making is fine. Bar the final two tables last night, which in itself is soul-destroying, I was playing fine but just getting irritated by an inability to get anything going! My decisions on the final two probably left much to be desired but oh well....

I'll start up again at 4/5pm today hopefully, just gotta get some work out the way first.

Strictly Poker

In my boredom I ended up looking over previous blog posts and looking back at previous goals that I had set myself and bring them to the forefront of my thoughts. I ended up becoming quite disgruntled at how little poker there has been in the handful of previous posts over the last couple of months, however. They have also become distinctly more results orientated!

I shall endeavour to focus on poker from herein with the odd rant about life's trials and tribulations when I deem it absolutely necessary! I promise!

I'm making the next fortnight solely poker orientated, and I need to. I've been a bit careless with personal finances and in an effort to avoid any withdrawal I either need to bink and put that aside or go and get a job for a bit. The problem with the latter is I don't actually have time with my passion seeming to be working for free on placements! The amount of work I have to do outside of the placement is now causing some alarm! I exaggerate, its actually really enjoyable and I'm going to really get my teeth into it but coupled with other things it does eat into my time for grinding - which, given I'm an MTT grinder, is scarce.

So I'm keeping my days free to do pressing jobs and things but my evenings will centre around poker and nothing else. I'll have a night off on Friday/Saturday but that's it. I'll be able to do that until the second week of July and then it's all change.

So, that's it. The last of my topical discussions. My next post will be on the weekend, unless I bink big in the mean time.

GL all.

Epic Fail.

England firstly - what a fail. It made me so angry and does thinking/talking about it, so I just won't!

I also didn't put in a session today either. I was unbelievably tired having not really slept much last night and only managing to catch up on about 3 hours worth of sleep. It wasn't exactly going to be the greatest decision to sit myself down and play some 20+ tournaments. I'll also hopefully compensate that with the fact that I can play everyday this forthcoming week and hope to hammer it out day and night. I've spent way too much money recently so have declared a self-ban on myself and will refrain from going out and spending ANY money! Last night was also a fitting ending to the "party period", if you like, it was a pretty awesome night and an absolute hilarious one at that, after the post-England aggression! There were 4 of us and I'd only met 2 of them a handful of times before that. I knew they were like-minded but I guess I was a bit apprehensive as to how it would be. No need to be as it was good fun. The streets of London were rammed and we all got smashed at one point, separated and I ended up wondering into the Empire and chatting to a few people playing roulette. I was basically being one of those irritating drunks before leaving without spending a thing (I think). I do remember legitimately looking for a cash machine cos I wondered past the cash tables. Thank god I didn't find it!
Rapidly sobered up however and awoke this morning without a hangover, a complete bonus! Was a bit of a happy drunk I think, just determined to chat shit to anyone who wanted to listen.

Anyway, I'm shattered and need sleep, a lot at that! I have my work placement tomorrow but hopefully I can manage a short session afterwards before playing all week. GL!

Thorpe Park and a mammoth Sunday

I haven't managed to hit the tables again since my last outing, instead being drunk, in arguments, on roller-coasters, being ill and doing airport runs! Its been quite a busy few days.

It started on Weds when a friend finished his last exam. I promptly got a call at 11am demanding my presence at the pub. I arrived at half 11 only to be fed sambucca. Ugh. The day was only going one way. In the end it was a pretty sweet day to be honest - it was kind of a steady drunk and we travelled to various bars and made sure we ate so nobody was entirely smashed. Sophisticated or what? By 2pm myself and 2 others had also randomly booked Thorpe Park tickets for the following day. This was and is hilarious, as none of us can remember how the hell we came about having the conversation or booking the tickets lol. I literally just bought 2 people tickets via the phone in this bar and that was it, we were leaving from mine at 8.30am and off we go (didn't leave at 8.30am obviously!).

I then went to the bar we used to work at and had apparently been barred lol, for not turning up to my last shift. I told them what I thought. They eventually let me in. Every manager was fine with me and said hi, no animosity at all. One power crazy twat just took exception to it, basically a personal grudge but whatever, he got over it.

So anyway, we then went out in brick lane and met some real cool people, although an entirely odd mix. An Irish guy, a guy from Brighton and some randomly silent girl from somewhere. It was odd cos they had just met themselves and it just led to an entirely unique conversation. I can't explain it, it just epitomised Brick lane and London I think.

Things took a turn for the worse cos I had actually woken up a tad ill, swollen glands and was feeling it a bit later, although they all assured me I was just a lightweight etc. I wasn't drunk or showing sings of being drunk so fuck you all. Nonetheless I woke up at 7am ready for Thorpe Park only to feel like absolute horse shit and not in a hungover sense. I postponed and we eventually left at 10.30am. It was worth it. Mid-week and pretty shit weather, we did everything multiple times. The new Saw ride is fucking awesome, Nemesis Inferno equally as good. Stealth - OMFG. And one other I forget the name of, began with C. Anyway, all round awesome day after getting lost. I came back feeling worse having been drenched by Tidal Wave however. Probably near death to be fair.

Friday was pretty lacklustre in comparison, filled with odd jobs and airport runs. The good thing to come out of that is I have a set of keys to a place in Bulgaria. Schweet. I could be heading out there the week after next and then through to Greece and Turkey, a friend is also keen on driving the Bulgaria - Greece - Turkey leg so that would be cool. Unconfirmed as is everything however. We'll see.

SO, COME ON ENGLAND. That's, unsurprisingly, what my day consists of today. More on that later, as well as my mammoth session tomorrow. 1pm onwards I reckon. Au revoir.

Blah

I've put in two decent sessions over the last couple of nights and seem to be average at a cool $120 loss each time over some 20 odd tournaments. Sigh.

I think I managed 1/2 cashes on Monday night and perhaps double that last night, including a nice run in the $33 on VC, only to bust in 16th. Sigh.
I can't complain too much however as I made some truly bad decisions in a couple as the night progressed. This was probably out of frustration, a willingness to go and do other things and just general tiredness. I also had a crazy hour and a half between about 7 and 8.30 when I had 16/17 tables on the go, something I couldn't handle. I'll have to kerb that but I was unable to start at the initial 3pm I intended, 6pm instead, so I just went crazy between 6 and 9pm. Its all trial and error however and eventually I will have perfected as good a schedule as is possible.

Speaking of trial and error, Ladbrokes has now been and gone also! I played the €5.50 rebuy and was registered for a few others before quickly un-registering. There aren't enough games for me so it ends up being a pain cos the laptop has to run another program along with all the add-ons that Ladbrokes seems to have and all for like 3/4 tournaments a night. The software isn't great either. So, I'm now running with the ethos - "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". The skins/networks I play on now are adequate, I'm used to them and there are a lot of positives to them. I'm probably unlikely to be able to put in a consistent amount of volume that warrants adding a fourth site anyway. That, and, the fact that the schedule across the three sites I do play in is more than enough for me, in the evenings. The problems lies with any daytime sessions as the euros are pitiful in the department but Ladbrokes offers nothing in a way of a solution to that.

Not entirely sure when I'm next going to be able to hit the felt but I'll certainly find the time for another 2/3 sessions this week. I'm meeting a friend in a pub at 11.30 this morning, as he will have finished his exams. This is clearly a horrible idea lol. Nonetheless it means I won't be playing today! Hopefully I can limit any, inevitable, hangover and put in a decent session during the day on Thursday. I don't hold much hope however!

GL.

Ready, Set....

I've sorted out my schedule now and planned my week sufficiently well to allow for some serious hours of poker.
I downloaded Ladbrokes and Betfair software but the latter quickly got disposed of soon after installation. I've had their representatives on the phone numerous times in the past twelve months telling me how great the software now is and how they are making improvements to it on a weekly basis. BULLSHIT! Its the same as it was some two years ago - horrific. The interface is awful, the guarantees are comical and it immediately seemed to slow my laptop down so our relationship clearly wouldn't have worked out.

Ladbrokes is a bit better, as I knew, the only downside is the lack of volume that I'd be able to put in on there, particularly as its a soft skin. Alas, it will have to do.
I'll just add Ladbrokes to my arsenal for now but may, at a later date, depending on various other factors, decide to put some money on another site.

I won't write out my entire schedule and all the fine details of it as its pretty pointless and will only bore you! Effectively, during the allocated hours of play I'll be registering to every $5.50-$33 MTT with a guarantee. This isn't entirely accurate as having any more than 12 tables going at a time becomes -EV for me imo. However there isn't enough options on the euros to make this entirely probable.

This week:

Today - I'll be starting at 5pm and commencing the usual evening session. I can't play on Ladbrokes until tomorrow as they have to approve the amount I wished to deposit, it wouldn't let that particular sum of money just go through. That means I'll only be on VC, Bwin and Stars tonight...

Tomorrow - The same again, plus Ladbrokes. I'll start a little earlier however - 3pm and finish registering at 9pm, due to things going on on Wednesday.

Wednesday - Been roped into meeting a few people at the pub at midday as they finish exams. Needless to say, I won't be playing. Online at least.

Thursday - Depending on my state I may put in an evening session. I fully anticipate being insanely hungover but as I'll be drinking from midday I also anticipate being in bed earlier lol and starting the hangover earlier! I'll remind myself to drinks tonnes of water!

Friday - I'll put in a daytime session this time as I'm busy on Friday night with airport runs. Will be interesting to see how that goes.

Saturday - That will be my day off, particularly as its the England game.

Sunday - I'll put in a mammoth session on Sunday, regging from like 2pm onwards, providing I don't go home and have to mess about driving back or via a train.


Hoping to play a solid 100 tournaments at least this week and hopefully earn some pennies! GL and can't wait to get back into it!

GO GO GO

As the title suggests, its now all systems go on the poker front and summer effectively starts tomorrow.
I've finished exams, attended many a mandatory celebratory party and completed various things that needed doing. I've also managed to secure work placements and with no holiday forthcoming I can take poker into account within my lifestyle. The only remaining anomaly is accommodation and whether I grind in London full-time or in the West Midlands, with my parents, part-time. That should start to click in to place once my exam results come in however. Hopefully all goes well and we can begin a cracking year on all fronts. Things are on the up and I'm chuffed!

Had a bit of a beat over the last few days as my girlfriend moved out due to commitments requiring her to be elsewhere as of next year - as well as a financial burden. I won't go into details. It shouldn't make too much of a difference as we effectively have two homes between us and are still half an hour apart. Its an odd feeling nonetheless.

Anyway, the positives. I effectively have "my pad" back and its pretty awesome, especially with the World Cup starting. I've re-organised things today and its effectively injected a new lease of life in me. I even dug out my massive England flag and put that out on the balcony so all those travelling on the A12 during rush hour can wake me up with the sound of their horns at 7am! It best be worth it - Stevie G lifting the cup a week before my 21st would be a peach and make my endeavours with the flag seem worth it!

So, I'm all sorted and raring to go. New, flash, "look at me" suit bought, flat spotless, work sorted, exams completed, parties ongoing. Life is sweet. I hope it continues.
One of my aims is to hit the gym intensively now. I followed up FAR too many take-aways over the exam period with some serious consecutive drinking sessions for 10 days after exams. I now feel pretty unhealthy! So not only do I want to get back to the gym to feel better but I also think it will help with the discipline during some mammoth grinding sessions.

I intend to ease myself into it this week with about 5 full-day sessions. That will either be regging from 5pm onwards or doing two split-sessions. I'm not going to entirely isolate myself and will go out if I am asked to in advance. I am also wary of a few mates finishing exams this week so anticipate some more drunken antics ensuing and that might jeopardise the schedule a tad this week. However, I am definitely in London until mid-July, if not beyond, and most people start working down here in about 7-14 days and when that happens I can be left to my job of grinding, in between work placements etc. Until then I'll be playing a flexible full-time schedule, if that makes any sense whatsoever!

I'll comment in more detail on the poker schedule tomorrow. I intend to sort out Ladbrokes and Betfair tomorrow and then devise several playable schedules which will enable me to adapt accordingly

For now, I'm back and raring to go!